Many people who arrive for their first session with a counsellor are hesitant… or just plain scared. They may have never seen a counsellor before, heard about negative experiences from others or had a negative experience themselves. I like taking the time to chat to new clients about their thoughts and experiences. This helps me understand what’s important to each individual, as well as provide information and reassurance. Sometimes I’m a little surprised at what people have experienced and feel glad they’re trying again – that takes a lot of courage. Here are the six most common concerns I’ve heard this year, and how I typically respond to them.
1) The counsellor will tell me what to do and I’m scared / not ready
You won’t be told to stop or start anything. You shouldn’t feel pressured into any action at all.* If you want action steps, we’ll decide them together based on what you’re ready for, what’s realistic and what’s likely to provide relief while being helpful to you. If those steps don’t feel good for you, we’ll use that information to come up with better ones.
2) I’ll have to talk about my childhood / family / past trauma
No, not unless you want to and are able to. If a topic comes up and I can see you’re uncomfortable or struggling, I’ll make sure we pause and support you to decide whether we keep going or not. It may come up again, but it’s my job to support your emotional safety and navigate us if the path gets rocky.
3) They’ll judge me or think I’m being silly / ungrateful / a bad person
The way you experience things is the essence of the session and our starting point for everything. You should feel like the counsellor values it highly and validates your experiences. A counsellor should want to learn as much as they can about your experiences, rather than judge you for how you see it.
4) They’ll be “nice” and listen, but it doesn’t really help
Research consistently tells us that counselling is effective. It’s true that just being nice and listening isn’t enough though. Counsellors are trained to use specific skills to explore issues, which help their clients improve in ways that are important to them. A positive working relationship between the counsellor and client is believed to be the most important of all. You should leave the session confident that you and your counsellor have a clear direction that will work for you. These are the grounds for meaningful change.
5) It’s too much of a commitment and I’ll have to attend regular sessions for a long time
You can choose how often you have sessions, and when you don’t need them anymore. This might change back and forth as things improve or new issues arise. People may also make these decisions based on cost, or work and family commitments. There doesn’t have to be a schedule or time frame – unless you want one. If you have things you want to achieve in a certain number of sessions or time frame, we can definitely do that if we’re smart about what we work on and how.
6) I'll cry and it will be awful.
This is partly true – yes, lots of people cry and that’s ok. Then they usually say it wasn’t as awful as they thought it would be, they knew they needed support, and walk out feeling glad they came.
It can be challenging to change things in your life and I have a deep respect and compassion for people who are willing to be uncomfortable for a short time in order to improve their life. With the right counsellor, these common concerns can be eased during the first session and discomfort can shift quickly to a sense of safety, support and hope.
*There is an important exception when the counsellor reasonably believes that your or someone else’s personal safety is at risk. If this happens, you will be part of safety planning and supported by appropriate services to take the necessary actions to keep everybody safe.
DISCLAIMER: This article is not a complete list of factors that may impact clients and is not a substitute for seeking professional consult about concerns. It is a subjective piece of writing based on the general private practice experiences and professional approaches of the author at the time of publishing.